Cutter
by WritingDaisy
Summary: Kyoya couldn't handle it. He found solace in blood dripping from his wrist. But now, with a new problem arising in the form of a red headed boy, what will Kyoya do? And will this person help the suffering second year? KyoxKao
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. And I don't plan to steal it. *looks around nervously* No, really!**

**Yepp, another story! I know I should probobly be working on Lovely Battle or A Happy Family right now, but this was already like half done so I just finished this chapter up and posted it! I hope you all enjoy!**

**CUTTER**

"I expect you to do better than this, you understand?" Yoshio Ohtori demanded across the desk from his third son. The small boy was only thirteen and looked on the verge of tears. However his onyx eyes were well hidden behind glasses and black hair that fell over his face.

The father came down hard on the boy angered by his lack of response. He had expected more from this child, he seemed to have great potential. However the boy disgraced the family. No, he didn't fail necessarily but rather exceeded his elder brother. That was unacceptable. He shamed his brother. Yoshio wanted three competent sons, each in their own place. This child had left his place and he must learn that would not be tolerated. However he still must be a shining example of the Ohtori name.

"You are to stay behind your brothers! I don't care if you really are smarter than them; it's not your place to intrude!"

The small boy sunk farther in to his chair as his father stood.

"However keep in mind that you must still keep up at the top of your school, represent the Ohtori name, and still reach perfection," the man said steadily. The boy still refused to meet his gaze.

"You are dismissed," he ordered with a sigh. He relaxed back into his chair missing the tears streaming down his son's face.

The raven haired child raced to his room and locked the sturdy door behind him. The boy jumped to his bed and laid there motionless.

He couldn't handle it anymore. It seemed like any time he tried to do something right, his father would crack down on him for stepping on his brother's toes. He just desperately wanted to prove to his father that he was worth his time, able to inherit the company. That was his dream.

But when his dream was so clearly out of his reach, what was left for him? He didn't have friends, they only got in the way and held him back. Besides, no one wanted to befriend him. No one.

And it wasn't as if the onyx eyed boy believed in love. No, he was sure that instead he would be forced into and arranged marriage once of age. Regardless, who would want to marry the _third_ son? Girls would likely be all over his older brothers, no need for him.

The boy turned toward the bed table at his right searching for his notebook. When he opened the drawer not only did he find the note book but an exacto knife. Out of impulse he grabbed the tool and raced into his adjoining bathroom before he could have second thoughts.

Hands trembling slightly he pushed out the blade. Did he really want to do this? But his father was so cruel, himself so incompetent, and this seemed as good a solution as any. At least he hoped so.

The third son moved the knife to his wrist, lightly scratching the skin. The red line was visible, but brought the boy no satisfaction. He again sliced across his flesh, this time deeper and dots of blood began to appear. The boy bit down on his lip to keep himself from making a sound.

Then a numbing feeling rushed through him. He forgot about the pressure, about his father, his brothers. At that moment there was only the stinging pain and numbness that gave him foreign satisfaction.

The sharp object was taken to his other arm, where another cut was made before the boy placed the knife on the counter in front of him. He didn't dare continue, not quite yet wanting death, enjoying the feeling of control. He could control his life or death, his pain, and that was a feeling he wanted for a bit longer.

So he stopped the activity and instead wrapped his bleeding wrists in layers of towels. When the red substance stopped coming from his cuts, the child cleaned his arms, returned to his room, and grabbed a long sleeved shirt before crawling into his bed and quickly falling into a dreamless sleep.

*^*^*^*

3 years later

Class was unimaginably dull. The teacher stood at the head of the classroom lecturing us on a subject that I'm sure I had more knowledge on. She droned on and on and I withheld the urge to correct the many mistakes. It would be disrespecting an elder, something disgraceful. Besides, she was merely a substitute. I suppose our regular, competent, teacher was suffering from an illness. Or taking a vacation from our class, namely Tamaki.

As I looked up Tamaki was in fact harassing the sub as he would any other teacher. The woman was barraged with questions and comments, mixed with a fair bit of flattery, courtesy of Tamaki's overly large ego and flirtatious personality. By the end of class the woman had hearts in her eyes.

I decided to wait for the blond fool as he bid farewell to the sub, who we would hopefully never see again. Once he met me in the hall his mouth was off. He talked about nearly everything under the sun, though today his focus was on the days host club. And with that, his daughter, and the rest of our 'family'.

More often than not, those were the people who kept the razor away from my arms. Unknowingly the host club gave me the smallest bit of solace, and I hadn't cut nearly as much in the time since we were formed as in the beginning. I suppose I had them all to thank for that. However I doubt they would ever know their effect. I surely wouldn't tell them.

By the time we reached the club room, unusually late due to Tamaki's flirting with the teacher, the others were already present. Hikaru and Kaoru had taken to trying to persuade Haruhi into a dress, while she read with a bored expression. Hani sat a table enjoying an entire cake with Mori watching protectively. They all looked up at our entrance.

"Hi Tama-chan, Kyo-chan!" Hani greeted. He continued to offer us cake, but when we refused he proceeded to devour the sweet himself.

"Tono, Kyoya-senpai," Kaoru began with the formalities. And yes, I knew it was Kaoru.

"Where were you two?" Hikaru finished. They both paused from tormenting Haruhi to wait for our response.

"Well, as a host I was simply giving my share of kindness, beauty-"

"Tamaki was thanking today's substitute teacher," I cut him off simply. I didn't wish to stand there while Tamaki gave a long, over dramatized explanation.

"My poor daughter, I'm sure your heart rages with jealousy. Get off her you devious twins!" Tamaki declared. He then cuddled up to the unfortunate girl. Of course the twins then felt the need to try and tear her away. I just sighed and walked away toward an empty table. There I began typing away, trying to get us some new costumes for a theme Tamaki had come up with. With that crazy boy as our King there was always work for me to do.

Quickly time passed to the point where it was time for Club to open. I instructed the hosts to get into their places before I opened the doors to the many ladies in yellow dresses. They had all booked in advance, eager for their favorite hosts, and I simply guided them to the proper table before returning to my own.

That day I didn't take any clients and instead continued to get the new costumes. Once that was finished club had yet to end and I let my gaze drift across the room. Everything seemed to be in order, Tamaki was clutching a girls hand and whispering romantic promises, Haruhi was charming girls with her natural charm, girls had hearts in their eyes as they watched Hani climb into Mori's lap, and Hikaru disgustingly latched onto Kaoru making the poor boy sport a fake blush. Wait, WHAT?

As I continued to watch the twins act, I couldn't explain the feeling. Sure I had always thought the act to be strange, however it wasn't my business and for all I knew it was an act. In fact, I'm sure it's an act. The words raced through my head again,

_Hikaru disgustingly latched onto Kaoru making the poor boy sport a fake blush._

However I turned my gaze instead to Hani and Mori pushing away the feeling growing in my stomach. It was much easier to just suppress useless and unexplainable things rather than bother with them. I would be a fool to think it was anything other than an odd occurrence likely caused by the lunch I had coincidently crossing with a moment of stray thought. Yes, I'm sure that was all.

Only slightly miffed, I returned to my computer searching for some work to do. As I said, with Tamaki as King, there always was plenty.

*^*^*^*

Once the club was over Haruhi quickly shuffled out. As always she didn't want to spend more time here than needed. Or at least that was the front she put up. After her followed Tamaki, claiming he must walk his daughter home. The other two left in their respective pairs and I was too allowed to exit.

I shut off the lights before making my way toward the exit of the school. After several corridors and turns I reached the front gates. There were few students left, the host club being one of the last clubs to finish. That was likely because we were the only club to offer a service.

Standing off toward the right were the Hitachiin twins. They stood facing the road, their backs to me. It was odd to see them here and so I walked over toward them. However before they were aware of my presence I heard their conversation. It was anything but my business, but I overheard Hikaru rambling on about Haruhi. Kaoru encouraged his brother happily. So then they were certainly not romantically involved then. Why did that give me such a content feeling?

"Hello, Hitachiins," I greeted the two making their heads turn to look at me. Hikaru looked embarrassed, likely hoping I didn't over hear his conversation.

"Hello, Kyoya-senpai," Kaoru replied politely. Hikaru just said 'hey'.

"Why are you two still here?" I asked. I suppose some idle conversation wouldn't hurt.

"Our limo is running late, the stupid driver took a wrong turn," Hikaru replied angrily. He obviously wasn't happy about the fact. Kaoru didn't look pleased either, in fact they looked identical.

"Ah, I see. You two are welcome to ride home with me, I wouldn't mind an extra stop," I offered. I wasn't quite sure why, but the words seemed to just flow out themselves. Kaoru's eyes widened in surprise while Hikaru's narrowed in suspicion. However they both nodded and followed me to where my driver was waiting. I informed him about the extra passengers and he simply nodded and replied with a 'yes Ohtori-sama'.

Just minutes into the car ride Hikaru spoke up from his place beside Kaoru. The two sat very close, Kaoru resting his head on his brother's shoulder. The gesture made the feeling from club return however I distracted myself with conversation.

"So what do you get from this?" Hikaru asked. His voice held the smallest bit of malice but it was ignored when I replied.

"It is my job to insure the members of the host club are taken care of properly," I made up an excuse. I myself didn't know the real reason. Hikaru bought the words, either that or didn't care enough to question them. Kaoru on the other hand stared at me from his place against Hikaru. I suppose he was the more perceptive of the two, but what was with his stare? His golden eyes burned into mine, questioning. I met his gaze until the driver announced the arrival at the Hitachiin residence. Hikaru and Kaoru stumbled out pausing for a shared 'thank you'.

Once the two were gone butterflies filled my stomach. In my mind was the image of Kaoru's fiery eyes. They saw through my lie, it was unnerving. For what must have been the hundredth time that day, I suppressed the feeling. With a sigh I turned my gaze to the window before thinking over what work my father would have for me when I returned home. Hopefully enough to keep me busy.

*^*^*^*

Hours later I sat on the edge of my bed. The work was done, school work completed, and memories of amber eyes were beginning to surface. Off both impulse and habit I made my way toward my pristine bathroom. I found the large razor blade hidden in the cupboard.

Once there were several bleeding cuts across my scarred wrist I felt the familiar numbness flow through. The pain was there, though I didn't care. The numbness was more than enough for me to empty my mind. Without a thought I stopped the bleeding before falling back on my bed, exhausted.

* * *

**AN: Poor Kyoya... :(**

**Okay people, I hate this title, really I do. It's a deep hatred. So if you are awesome you will review and give me a suggestion for a new one. Pretty please? It will make me really happy! :D**

**Alright, please review! If you review my story I'll review yours! Hope you liked the chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Ouran. High. School. Host. Club. As. Of. Yet.**

**DEDICATIONS: jazzyinuluvsesshyxxoo, kygirl101, Draycos, Akane Ichigo, and oLIVEgREENcRAYON  
Thank you guys so much! X3 So many reviews, it makes me happy!**

**CUTTER**

When I woke up the next morning the thought was immediate. I like Kaoru Hitachiin. It was surely nothing to panic about. Just a useless crush that I knew would pass. So I gathered myself together and admonished on yesterday's behavior.

If I just ignored the feeling, it would pass, so I shouldn't act out like I had the day before. Offering them a ride was not a great decision on my part and those amber eyes that stared at me in the limo were now burned into my memory. Nothing I could do but move on and act as usual.

So, I did.

*^*^*^*

The day passed without incident. I went to class as usual, dealt with Tamaki's antics and sat through the lectures. I studied without a problem and ate lunch with the rest of the host club. I smiled at Tamaki's antics and watched as the twins bothered Haruhi. Not a single unruly thought or feeling came up. The rest of the day passed uneventfully and before I knew it, it was time for club.

At club I listened as Tamaki voiced grand ideas about going on another beach escapade. Then I sat with the few girls who had requested me for the day. I gave them many meaningless compliments and didn't bat an eye at Hikaru and Kaoru's brotherly love display. I was sure the crush had disappeared.

*^*^*^*

That had lasted for a month. It had been a wonderful month, not once did I have to reach for my razor. Not once did I anger my father. In fact, both my brothers were the ones in the fire. I was told I had done an excellent job with what work I was given and school had been going well. The crush disappeared and my friends were again my solace. However all good things come to and end.

*^*^*^*

It was time for host club once again and upon arriving early I settled into a plush chair with my laptop set on a table. I checked over our website until the rest of the club arrived.

First was Tamaki, jumping in with energy that must be never ending. Unfortunately that was just his usual self.

Next was Hani and Mori, Hani on the latter's shoulders. Hani greeted the present club members sweetly before eating a cake Mori had fetched for him from the back room.

Then Hikaru and Kaoru entered. They were the two that worried me. While Kaoru seemed to be his usual self, Hikaru had a mischievous smile on his face. Normally I would just warn the two about not breaking anything, but the fact that Kaoru didn't seem to have a part in the scheme seemed odd. Hikaru's plans were a bit wild without Kaoru's logic added.

"Hikaru, don't break anything," I cautioned the older twin. I really hoped he wouldn't. Break anything that is.

When Haruhi stumbled in just less than a minute away from being late, Tamaki gathered everyone into proper position and I went to open the ornate doors.

The yellow dresses flocked in and I again led them to their proper hosts.

Today I didn't take any clients. I busied myself instead updating the club's website and checking the sales of our merchandise. Ever since Renge had proclaimed herself the manager, the merchandise was doing much better. Though that meant more work for myself.

*^*^*^*

Club was nearly over when I heard the sound of breaking china. Immediately I spotted the source; a few girls seated around Hikaru and Kaoru's table. One of them had dropped their tea cup in surprise and the glass now sat on the floor in shattered pieces. But that was not the cause of the silence that suddenly engulfed the room.

Leaning over from his chair next to Kaoru, Hikaru had his lips pressed against his brother's. It wasn't intense or anything, lips firmly shut, but it was enough to shock everyone and break me in two. It meant the two really were together. The feelings from a month ago rushed back into me.

After just seconds the Hikaru pulled away from a truly blushing Kaoru and the fangirls squealed. The other hosts stared in shock, myself included. However my face must have held something else because when Kaoru swept his gaze over the room, his eyes stopped on me. Those amber eyes stared straight at me again, and I felt pain.

It was a pain I couldn't handle, a pain worse than what could possibly ever come from cuts on my wrists. Cuts on my wrist, yes my solution.

Breaking away from golden eyes I swiftly grabbed the pocket knife from the front of my briefcase before hastily exiting the Third Music Room. I headed in the direction of the boys restroom. Once there I confirmed the bathroom was empty before locking myself in a stall.

I slid down the wall, my back pressed against the tile, my breath ragged. Slowly I pulled out the pocket knife. It was a very nice knife, given to me by Fuyumi for my fourteenth birthday. It made me feel dirty to use the knife in such a way, but the thought of Kaoru and Hikaru was too much to bear.

The image of Kaoru kissing Hikaru hurt in my chest, and after an entire month without cutting, I was a bit vulnerable. So I took the knife to my wrist keeping my eyes open, afraid of the scenes that would play behind closed lids.

The first cut was deeper than any done before, still not fatal. The second followed suit and I set the knife down to watch the blood drip freely down my arms. I knew there was still time before I needed to stop the red liquid from leaving the cuts, but for a moment I savored the sight of my crimson covered wrists and the numbing sensation beginning to surface.

I picked up the knife again, making another slice across my abused limb. I deserved this I suppose. I was so very stupid.

Stupid for having such unnecessary feelings.

Stupid for falling for a boy.

Stupid for liking a fellow host.

Stupid for having a fondness for someone that was obviously with his overprotective older brother.

Stupid for falling for someone who wouldn't want anything to do with a cutter.

Stupid for knowing it was more than a crush.

I couldn't help the self accusations. They repeated themselves over and over in my head along with pictures of amber eyes and identical lips locked together.

I brought the knife to my wrist, pausing to steady myself. Just as I began to move the blade, a voice startled me.

"Kyoya-senpai?" Kaoru called from outside the stalls protective barrier. His voice had caught me by surprise and I jumped. This action caused the blade to cut much too deep, on what looked like a large vein. The blood was gushing now, and for once I was frightened. I didn't want to die in a bathroom stall; feet away from my secret crush.

"Kaoru-kun," I replied shakily. Yes, for once the Shadow King's voice wasn't perfectly cold and unemotional.

"Well, I, uh, saw you looking at Hikaru and me after he uhm…Anyway, you looked sad and then you left so I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Kaoru blabbered. I didn't reply, beginning to get dizzy.

"Kyoya-senpai?" the red head asked. Just as I was going to try and speak I heard him talk again, this time his voice frantic.

"Kyoya-senpai, are you alright! Please open the door!" Kaoru shouted from the other side. I just watched, too dizzy to move. I suppose he must have seen the blood under the stall door or smelt it. The smell was getting stronger by the second as my arm continued to bleed freely. The smaller cuts weren't a problem, it was the large gash that was on my left wrist.

My attention was drawn from the self inflicted injury when the large stall door fell to the ground, coming toward me, but landing just to my left. In the doorway stood Kaoru, eyes wide with panic. I suppose I didn't look to good, with blood surrounding me. Yes, probably not a pretty sight. But why was it Kaoru that had to find me?

Immediately the first year pulled out a cell phone I new he would call the hospital, 119, or some kind of help.

"Please don't!" I exclaimed. If I was taken to the hospital this would surely be reported to my father. I wouldn't be welcomed in the mansion ever again, and I could throw away any dream of inheriting the company. Instead, if I could just hold consciousness for a bit longer…

"Kaoru, just help me stop the bleeding," I requested, forgetting formalities. I could see the torn look on his face, and hated to put it there. However I wasn't sure of what else to do, I couldn't go to the hospital, and if I could just stop the bleeding I knew how to perform stitches. Thankfully the cut wasn't on my dominant arm. Now, it all depended on Kaoru's decision…

* * *

**DUN DUN DUUUUUN! XD So what do you think Kao-chan will do? I have actually planned it for both ways so I will leave it to popular vote. Review and tell me what you want to happen!**

**By the way, sorry this chapter is a bit short, and that it took a while to write. But the first version of this chapter was bad and Kyoya seemed heartless. I didn't like it :P And I thought this was a good place to stop :D (don't hate me)**

**Alright, I'm still accepting ideas for a title! Some people wanted me to write more so they could get a btter idea of the plot before they gave an idea, so feel free to still suggest ideas! **

**Thanks for reading and please review, and check out my other stories if you haven't already!**


	3. News!

I'm sorry if you were expecting a chapter, but I have news! I'm back on fanfiction with plans to keep up my writing. However, it's been awhile, about a year and a half! Unsurprisingly my writing style has had a dramatic makeover in that time span. If you ask me, it was for the better. Reading through my posts made me cringe with the level of writing. But then I took a look at the reviews, and I couldn't stop grinning until my cheeks hurt. They are what lured me back into the fanfiction depths. So thank you to every single one of you who reviewed!

Now the plan is fairly simple. I'm still somewhat interested in all of my stories, so excluding, 'Before, Then, and Now' and 'Ten Songs' they will all be continued. However, don't be so quick to get your hopes up. First and foremost I plan to rewrite the chapters that have already been posted to match my current style of writing. I'm on the fence about re-writing 'Before, Then, and Now' so give me some feedback about it.

I'm hesitant to give you all a timeframe as I'm just barely easing myself back into writing, but I plan to get started today. I'll be putting 'Matching Socks' and 'A Happy Family' on the back burner, so expect something on 'Cutter' or 'Lovely Battle' later this evening.

What you all can take from this is a am trying to reenter this world of fanfiction, but I'm still a bit uncertain about some specifics. So, this is a time for you all to review and tell me exactly what you want to see! Thank you for sticking with me, almost two years later.


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